thanksgiving break!

Break's been pretty good so far. Had dinner this year without mother because she's in Vietnam. It was a successful dinner nonetheless. Shopping was good :] Saw Bruce&Theodore. Always great times. Then dinner with Huong, Brian, and Janet for Janet's birthday! Funnnnn. Spent the rest of the night with B&T until 3am! Going to see "the girls" today for dinner :] I leave tomorrow morning, super duper early. It's been a good break, a break unlike the years before.

I realize that I've been a lot happier lately. I am so satisfied with everything that's been going on. I really have hope that I am going to end the year off on a good note. I have hope that I will pass all my classes haha and that I will have an eventful, productive, winter break. I have hope that I will have a good winter quarter. I have hope that I will continue the bonds I've made with people. I have hope that things will always be alright :)

I have no idea what I want to do for my 21st birthday. Someone decide for me!!

gooood day.

going places.

Last Thursday and Friday I was in San Diego for a conference designed for students who are looking for a career in student affairs. This was the first time I've been to a conference like this and deep down I knew I was ready for it. I felt like I knew what I was doing and that I was able to talk to these professionals from graduate schools and have a substantial conversation. I talked to the Director of Residential Life at University of San Diego for about 15 minutes, which feels like forever, after he critiqued my resume, which by the way he said was flawless haha. We talked about Loyola University Chicago where he went to graduate school and what he does now and etc etc. And then I talked to another professional who went to University of Vermont for like 20-25 minutes at the grad fair and literally just fell in love with the program. My number one choice for graduate school right now is UVM because it has everything I want and more. It offers so many opportunities in diversity development and they have one of the top higher education in student affairs program. Also, it will definitely be a change: new state, cold weather, 80% white people!! Ideally I will get the chance to do my internship in Vermont this summer.

"Over the years we have recognized that there is no linkage or correlation between student's Graduate Record Exam (GRE) scores and their ultimate success in the program. This anecdotal data affirms data collected national on alternative measures for assessing student success. Thus our program no longer requires the GRE*."
I talked to other schools like USC, Pacific, and Northridge but none of them really appealed to me at all. I'm excited for next week when I go to the NASPA Regional Conference in San Jose and continue to network.
Looking into grad schools really freak me out. It is so overwhelming thinking about it. I know for a fact that I will not go straight to grad school after undergrad but where does that leave me for the one or two years I take off? Work? ARD? Internship? Home? Santa Barbara? Northern California? Arizona? I don't know! Sometimes I really do miss Garden Grove and how seriously ghetto it is haha but I really hope I get the chance to go back and live there for another year. However, it would probably have to be on my own lol
Ok, in order to go places I need to graduate and in order to graduate I need to pass my classes and in order to pass my classes I need to do homework and in order to do my homework I gotta go. So peace :)

to-do lists, planner, & iphone.

I've probably said this a million times but I love being busy. Yesterday, I tried super duper hard being productive by waking up at 7:15 and refused to take a nap. I honestly don't even remember what I did but I just know that I was worn out by the end of the night. And then today I took a 3 hour nap and wanted to kick myself. So I found myself scheduling a million things today. I made appointments with Counseling, planned lunch with an old resident, scheduled meetings with bros to plan fundraising events, scheduled work meetings, planned programs, etc etc and then that's when it hit me. I'm wasting so much time PLANNING my days that I don't have time for any spontaneity or any room to just enjoy myself. And then at the end of the day I'm just like what did I do today?? But I do really love it. I do I do I do. I can't wait until I have to meet with all the pledges, meet with my mentor for NUFP, one on one's with my head staff, more time with my residents, and more meetings and events for AKPsi.


schedule a time with me if you wanna talk. ha. jk.

let it begin!

The last time I blogged, SLD was about to start...and now its OVER! Half the residence halls have residents moving in tomorrow but thank goodness San Nic doesn't have move-ins until Sunday. These past two-three weeks went by SUPER quick. I can't even explain it. I had a feeling it would be this way too. I wish I can recap and retell all that happened but I guess that's just impossible. Let's just say....I'm slowly but surely loving my staff. Who thought that being a second year RA can be this challenging. Not me.
Can't believe school is starting in a week! These budget cuts are really frustrating. I was dropped from two courses because they got cut and by the time my third pass time came around, all the classes I want or need are filled up. I am now enrolled in 12 units, one of which I really do not want to take. I am not looking forward to crashing any classes but I guess I'm going to have to. ugh. Peace out, Arnold.
So this summer was a summer of making lots of new friends and losing lots of old ones. What else is new right? But it was also a summer of keeping bonds with the constant ones <3 Cheers to a good Fall :)

insecurities.

If you've never watched Dating In The Dark, please do go watch an episode. Talk about a show that brings out a person's insecurities. Pretty much, its dating a complete stranger in the dark for four dates and on the last date you get to finally see what the person looks like and after that you choose whether or not you wanna go on dating that person. And sadly, there have been so many people who have walked away just because the other person was not attractive, whether they be too thick, too short, or just plain hideous looking. SAD I KNOW. But just makes me think, do I have a good enough personality to be dated in the dark and am I pretty enough from keeping a guy from walking away? But seriously, why should it matter? Beauty is in the eye of the beholder right? And a person who walks away because they're shallow is just not worth it. But then I think to myself, if I were standing in front of myself in that dark room and the light was shown on me, what would be my first impression of myself? Weird concept, I guess. I don't think I've ever been so insecure about myself. It's not even like I think I'm totally ugly or that I'm the least attractive person ever but I feel like I have problems being in any sort of relationship because of my personality and a lot of times my emotions. I feel like my personality is not good enough. I don't know where to start but I am working on these insecurities one step at a time. I realize that having insecurities is like having extra baggage, its just holding me back from doing what I really want. But I'm working on it, I am.

one more week.

Only one more week and pretty much my summer ends. Ridiculous much? yeah I think so. I know a lot of people are going back to school but I mean, hey I'm on the UC system. Anywho. This past weekend has been fun. It was nice being at home and seeing family and friends. I spent a lot of time at home just chilling, not doing much, which was a change. Won't be doing that for a while.
However, I am really looking forward to the next following weeks. RA Training will be good for me. I will be busy, too busy to be worrying about the unnecessities. Hopefully I will be able to get my life back on track and focus on the important stuff: my staff, my residents, my school work (school probably should have come before staff&resident huh...haha) and fraternity. No more boys. No more partying. No more slacking off. I think summer really helped me realize that I have the potential to do well in school and that I just need the motivation and have the right mindset. I just need to prioritize and set time aside for whats important! I'm really going to miss having the freedom I had while living in Isla Vista but I mean, too much freedom can never be a good thing.
okkkkkkkkk, only 8 more hours of work to go! working 9pm-7am tonight. weeeeee!

independence.

I think the reason why I claim to be independent and say I don't like relying on others is because when it comes down to it, I'm just really afraid that you won't be there for me when I need you the most.

i hate pushing people away but i seriously can't take the thought of someone caring for me.

sad.

blur.

So last week was National Convention :) I think all the pictures on Facebook explains how the week went. It was definitely a memorable week to say the least. I can't wait for convention in Phoenix, Arizona :)

So I officially am done with summer school and since I've been back life has been pretty chill. I love not having to worry about having to write an essay or read a book. I'm proud to say that I got a 3.7 gpa for the summer & passed my stupid French literature class :) :) I've been working ridiculous amounts of hours though and am slowly getting worn out. The ASB camp has definitely been a handful. Some are just super rude and I can't stand rude people. They get on my nerves and make me cry lol It's okay though because seeing GGHS makes up for all the rude white hs.
So yesterday i totally had a horrible day and was in the worst mood ever. I felt bad because I really didn't know specifically what was bothering me. I hate making things bigger than it really is but i feel like alll the little things piling up just start becoming very overwhelming :[ im over it though thanks to playing some tennis. Second time I played this week :] feels really good!

Only 17 more days until I can move into my room in San Nic! I'm excited =] Can't wait to leave this rat/mice infested house. ugh. Its going to be weird not seeing Adri every day though :( :( sad. So I'm trying to clean my room and pack up all my clothes that I don't think I'll be wearing in the next 17 days and omg, i can't believe how much clothes I freaking have. I really need to get rid of some. I'm never going to have enough room for new clothes haha :) totally kidding. too freaking poor to be shopping.
I really miss seeing all my friends. I feel like I'm being a bad friend because first session I was so busy with classes and now I'm working 40 hours a week, I never have time for my friends. I barely see any friends here in SB, let alone friends from home. I don't want people to think I'm some workaholic but I feel like I need to help out my family's financial situation. Work now, play later =[ sorry.

Ok, going to finish up laundry and then head to work. Movie night :) :) bye!

exhausted.

I am so ridiculously exhausted. Physically, mentally and emotionally. Yesterday I went to Six Flags with my staff and got back to SB around 9pm. I went to Henry's birthday thing and then had work from 1am-7am. Towards the end of my shift I got really sick and threw up. Went home and slept. I had work again at 10:30 but i was too exhausted so I had Kelly cover two hours of it for me. I went back to work at 12:30 and worked until 11pm. Thank Goodness there were so many things going on that I wasn't bored out of my mind. Craziest, longest, shift ever.

Went to talk things out with a friend. Pretty much ended up badly. Whatever, like I said, I am emotionally drained and I can't deal with drama. So I left.

I have to write my 8 page paper tonight. I work again at 6:45am tomorrow. David's going to come in early for me and work at 9:30 so that I can go home and pack. I'm going home tomorrow and then flying out to Florida on Tuesday. It seriously hasn't even hit me yet. I haven't done anything to prepare for the trip. *sigh* I can't wait until I finish this paper.

Don't you hate it when like..you have things you need to do but then there's something going on that if you don't get it off your chest and do whatever you need to to resolve it... you just can't pull yourself together and finish that thing you need to do? that's how i feel right now.

good night.

life lessons.

"Accidents happen." "As long as everyone was okay." *sigh* seriously the worst day of my life. I keep replaying the few seconds in my head and I can't help but beat myself up over and over again. It really freaking sucks knowing that it could have been avoided in so many ways. I have just added another brick of stress on my parents. Now whenever I see other Tubbys, it makes me super duper sad =[ Two weeks until we get reunited, let's see if I can actually drive Tubby again. Sunday was painful. I was so close to my destination..so freaking close.....Seriously have been so out of it since the accident, everyone keeps asking me why I'm so spacey and down. Maybe because the fact that I collided into another car and all I can hear are tire screeches and a big bang. I know people have been in worst accidents but the fact that it was MY fault makes everything so much worst. Could have been avoided.



So, I took out a $2000 loan yesterday. No fun. I really hope I won't regret this in the future. But looking at how things are, it was really necessary.
Got my French midterm back, no bueno. C is for CRAP. Boys are stupid. Period. Got a 92% on my Italian test. Not good enough. Step it up. I have another test tomorrow. Blech. No fun.
People will get mad at you and you will get mad at them, that's just how life goes. It's just a matter of when you decide to forgive each other and leave the past in the past. Forgive&Learn.
I told Flowers that I felt like I needed to go on a diet and he was all for it. Hmph. Can't wait to get more hours for work. That can't happen until I finish summer school though. Why are these two weeks going by so much slower than the last three weeks!? ugh My room is a complete disaster. I need to clean it but there's seriously no where to put everything. Blech. I want to go to another Coldplay concert. It was the most amazing experience ever! Ok, it's 11:08, that means its bed time. Good night.

bad day,

I hate having bad days. Especially when it's over stupid things.
I hate it when people are mad at me.
I hate it when people pick on me.
I hate it when people joke around, and I take it seriously.
I hate feeling like I'm not wanted or loved.
I hate letting things get to me.
I hate being the target.
I hate messing up.
I hate it when I joke around, and people take it seriously.
I hate having to say sorry.
I hate being vulnerable.

shopping

Shopping ruins lives. hahaha i spent ridiculous amounts of money this weekend and almost $100 of it went to forever 21. someone is definitely on the same boat as me. =[
i hope my parents dont get mad since it IS their money.

36%

I tried giving blood yesterday and it was the first time I was turned away. I only had 36% of my red blood cells, when I needed 38%. I was quite frustrated. ugh.

So here I am, at work, not doing my Italian homework even though my final is tomorrow. No big deal.

So yesterday, a really good friend and I had dinner and during dinner she told me she had this huge secret that she's been holding in for about 5 months now. At first, she told me that she couldn't say anything and that it was a BIG DEAL. And then of course, she tells me after making me SWEAR that I won't tell anyone else. I don't know what it is but people seem to love telling me all their secrets. So, she tells me that she has been in this relationship with a mutual friend of ours since february and that the person that she has been claiming to be talking to doesn't even exist and that it was a made up name the whole time because they didn't want anyone knowing about the relationship (it's super complicated and I understand why they would do it). I was seriously SHOCKED. Then she pretty much tells me EVERYTHING and then everything just started to make so much sense. So you're probably like, what's the point of this? My point is that she was the one person I felt like I could relate to in that relationships weren't for us and that being single was okay and that all boys fail and out of the blue I find out that she's been in a relationship with this guy for the past 5 months?! She's so happy though and I guess that gives me hope that there are good guys out there. So she's added onto the list of friends with significant others. ugh


GRADE UPDATES.
Italian
90
95
87
85
87
lowest test score will be dropped. final tomorrow. eff.

Sociology
Paper #1- B+
Paper #2- B+
Paper #3- A-
I turned in a paper today and I'm really hoping I get an A so that I can possibly pull off an A- in the class. We had our last class today and my professor gave out certificates of Perfect Attendance. HILARIOUS. I got one :)

I'm going home on Saturday and I'm not really sure if I'm excited or not. We'll see what happens.


peace!

love. ha

I am happy to say that I am so content with being single for the first time in my life. I'm sure all my friends can say that I am the most relationship-dependent person ever and that I always say that I "need" to be in a relationship, however, things are different now! I use to feel like I couldn't be happy without a significant other and that there was always a missing spot if I wasn't with anyone but I've come to realize that that is complete bull crap. Maybe its just the fact that I have been so freaking busy all of spring quarter and now all of summer that my sole reason for not being able to be in a relationship is because "i don't have time." However, now I ask myself, am I just filling my relationship void with activities like school and work because I am afraid of being in a relationship? I mean now that the opportunity has risen...twice, I try to avoid it at all costs? Why? But whatever. I'm not a casual dater, I don't have time, I don't want to commit, I'm a heartbreaker. You've heard it once, you'll hear it again. "Date at your own risk."

So, yesterday was Independence Day! It started with me waking up at C-los' because I crashed there the night before. After only 4 hours of sleep, I had to go to work :( "Worked" from 1030-2:30. Thank goodness it was double shifted. After Greg, our manager, left So-ky let me go to the back office to take a "nap" for about half an hour. It was the most uncomfortable &most interrupted nap ever.rawr. It's okay though. The shift ended FINALLY and I went home. Rather than napping...I showered and ended up having a bbq with my housemates and their friends from home. Brian got burgers for us so we put that on the grill :) It was FABULOUS. Had a little to drink just to celebrate haha and then played b.pong =X hahah Todd & I won our first game against Brian&Adri but then lost against Joey&Lauren. booooo. After that, I went to Jessica's. Got into the pool :) After everyone left, Lucy Jessica and I stayed to have a pow wow and debrief of everything that happened the night before lol I LOVE THEM <3>

Afterwards, I went over to Lucy's to "cook" dinner. I was supposed to make Hamburger Helper however, I was definitely just the helper. Haha all I did was pour in the water and milk, and defrost the meat in the microwave. Lucy, of course, cooked everything. Anyways, the Hamburger Helper ended up tasting like crap. Haha I mean, it wasn't HORRIBLE but it definitely was questionable.

After dinner, I ended up driving Lucy to the Madrid House. I felt bad because everyone wanted me to come out again but i KNEW i shouldn't because I had to open for work the next morning. I ended up going home and falling asleep. I was in the crankiest mood last night, I felt bad for Adriana. I completely took it out on her while trying to park my stupid car in the streets. I was so angry at all the people just walking and ignoring the fact that I was trying to drive. I hate IV at night! Anyways, adri woke me up at 12:15am to drive her to work because she had been pulled over that night because her headlight or something was blown out and got a fix it ticket. Soooo, I drove her. I was seriously falling asleep behind the wheel. I got home and KNOCKED OUT. I don't even remember sleeping! I woke up at 5:47am to get ready for work. Got to work. Angelica was at the desk, Adri was napping on the couches in the lobby (they worked the grave shift) Angelica let me sleep until 7 until the overlap was over. Adri got me coffee THANK GOODNESS. I swear, I can't function in the morning without caffeine. Oh no. After only 2 days, I have become ADDICTED, no longer dependent.

I get off work at 11 and then work again from 2:00-6:00pm. I have so much homework too. :( ugh. Haven't gone to mass in over a month. Gosh. And the hell starts over tomorrow. ugh.

GRADE UPDATES!! :)

Italian:

Test #1- 90%

Test #2- 95%

Test #3- 85%

Test #4- took it on Thursday. get grade back tomorrow. Probably got an A-/B+

Soc 108ch

Paper #1- B+

must do well.......

Okay, my shift is over in half an hour. yay! didn't get any homework done. fml. lol :) Alright, take care :)

newb.

7 years with Xanga. I believe it's time for a change. We'll see how this goes.

Summer has been hell on wheels. Classes from 9:30-11:45, 12:30-3:00, 4:30-6:30. And then once the weekend hits, its work work work. Worrying about money has never been so stressful.

I think I am officially DEPENDENT on coffee. I wouldn't say "addicted" because I don't get any sort of side effects if I don't have it but dang, 4 shots of coffee really does keep you alert. Who needs adderall when you have caffeine? :)

I'm sad that I won't be going home for July 4th because I have work from 6:45am-11:00am Saturday. I really really want to though. Maybe I'll just go for the heck of it and come back Sunday morning for work.

I really love summer here in SB. Even though people say they're bored and such, I feel like I've been quite busy and productive. If I'm not in class, I'm working. If I'm not working, I'm studying in the library. If I'm not in the library, I'm eating. If I'm not eating, I'm sleeping. I rarely ever see my friends but when I do, it's been great adventures :] It makes me appreciate them so much more :)

I LOVE MY HOUSE. Even though I'm RARELY ever there, when I am, it's been super good. Right now, its Adriana & me in our room, Todd & Brian in their room, and Johnny in his. Everythings been super chill except sharing ONE bathroom with 4 other people has been a little challenging haha I'm so sad that I'll only be living with them for the summer. Grocery shopping has been a pain in the behind. I freaking hate it. Who knew grocery was so expensive?!


It's been exactly a year since camp & I freaking miss it so much. I really wish I had more time and more summers so that I can go back, maybe even just to visit :( Seeing all these camps at SB has been making me super nostalgic. Good freaking times.

I feel like its time for a reunion!



Okay, I should be working on my homework. Peace out!